garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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