I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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