i permit you to call me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize