His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
