It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
