i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm too high and old for this...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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