Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I won the penis lottery.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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