I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
