I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
