OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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