Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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