All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
