Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
