My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Farmville is her only friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
