your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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