My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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