i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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