I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
