I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
