actually, I'm a sock model
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
