Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love having hate sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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