Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
