you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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