I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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