where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
