I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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