Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
