He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
