Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
