Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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