I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
