About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
