So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize