nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
