we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
