you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
