Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
