I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
