roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
