i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize