forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i think my cat just said my name.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
