My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
