I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
