Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize