he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
