i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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