I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
