he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We have started to decorate penises.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize