I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
