You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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