I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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