Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
