I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
