:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
