So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
