omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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