Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
