Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize