i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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