He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
operation harelip BJ is a go
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
