and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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