I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize