New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
