I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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