I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
