allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
