A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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