No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
