I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize