I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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