I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
