umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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