Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
