remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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