eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize