I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
