Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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