I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
