Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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