I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
True strength comes from lack of pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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