i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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