Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
