I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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