i was born a porn star she said
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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