Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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