Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't deserve a penis
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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