Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
