Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
