I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
