This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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