I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
