I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
