Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
