i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
