so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
