What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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