so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
