i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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