Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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