All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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