If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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