I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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