Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
