I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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